BAYONET INFANTS BLOODY THE FIELDS WITH THE EMISSIONS OF THE BASTARD SCOTS BELGIANS AND LUXEMBOURGIANS HOW DARE THEY

WAIT WHAT HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE WHAT WAIT HUH WHAT WAIT WHAT 

ASK ME ANYTHING I MEAN ANYTHING I’LL RESPOND IN VARIOUS AMUSING FASHIONS THAT ARE FAR MORE CLEVER THAN ANYTHING ANYONE ELSE COULD RESPOND WITH

THIS ISN’T FORMSPRING FAGGOT, SHUT UP

HOMOSEXUALS! TREMBLE IN FEAR AT MARTIN VAN BUREN’S ALCOHOL FUELED RAGE

THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT:

UNGH! THE SWEET DEFLOWERING BEGINS, MY TONGUE FLICKING TOWARDS GOLDEN COPPER HONEY BOURBON SHOWERS OF SYBARITIC AXON HUMMING. YOU, YOUR NEGLIGEE LADEN WITH SCENT OF FUCKING, THE SCARRED FILTH WHICH RUNS ALONG YOUR WRENT THIGHS I WILL HAVE YOU HERE IN THIS PILE OF OFFAL AND ENTRAILS THIS PIT OF DISGRACE AND HORROR. THE BLACKEST LACE THAT TEARS AT YOUR THROAT AS I FUCK YOU AND CHOKE YOU AND YEAH WHATEVER DID YOU SEE THAT NEW SUPREME HOODIE 666 MURDER MURDER PORNO UH WHERE WAS I OH YES THE DAME WAS DEAD AND I WAS ENGAGING IN CARNAL (HEE HEE) RELATIONS WITH THE OL’ GAL ON A BIG BOUNCY PILE OF ICKY STUFF. NOT ALT ENOUGH TO USE PHOTOSHOP OR FIND CHILD PORNOGRAPHY OR RAPE VICTIM PHOTOS OR GIFS OF THE ABOVE SO YOU’LL HAVE TO USE YOUR INCREDIBLY LIMITED LITTLE IMAGINATIONS. 

YOU’RE BAD WRITERS AND STUPID PEOPLE!

souslondreslaplage:

I don’t care.

I really honestly don’t.

Ys was there. Staring his own eyes from the back of his malfunctioning brain, biting his own shoulders. I asked him – “What?” and Ys said “Don’t.”

The beatitude I was experiencing was going to end shortly. Ys didn’t even want to look at me in the…

SEXUALIZING VAGUELY “SHOCKING” YET POORLY-CRAFTED IMAGERY IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR EMOTIONAL, INTELLECTUAL, OR STYLISTIC DEPTH

rowboatsynclaire:

My girlfriend Nellie and i :)

PDA PDA SCREE ALERT THE POLICE MOUTH-RAPING AT 6 O’CLOCK

THE BAD KING LIFTED HIS SCEPTRE WITH BOTH HANDS AND CRACKED OPEN WHAT APPEARED TO BE AN EMU EGG. BEFORE HE COULD DEVOUR ITS CONTENTS, A LOUD SQUAWKING ISSUED FORTH FROM THE BOWELS OF THE EGG AND THE KING RECOIILED IN HORROR. HE GRASPED THE COLLAR OF THE PEASANT BOY SITTING NEXT TO HIM AND THRUST THE CHILD AT THE EGG AS THE INFERNAL CHICK BURST THROUGH THE SHELL. THE BOY WAS EATEN LUSTILY AND THE KING FLED TO PARTS UNKNOWN.

THAT IF YOU LISTEN TO GERRY AND THE PACEMAKERS TOO MUCH YOU WILL SHRINK AND NOBODY WILL RESPECT YOU

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT

BUT I MEAN REALLY 

• MYSELF: EXCUSE ME, DO YOU HAVE ANY COCAINE YOU COULD SPARE?
• MAYORAL CANDIDATE: HA-HA! THIS GENTLEMAN I LIKE!
• ME: YES, YES. COCAINE FOR EVERYBODY
• MAYORAL CANDIDATE: THIS PRESS CONFERENCE JUST TURNED INTO A PARTY

THOU TREAD INTREPIDLY AT THE TRELLIS,

HORIZONS OF WRATHFUL DAWN GROWING BOLD-

BY THE MINUTE! BY HUED, LASHING RIBBONS,

ALL AFIRE ‘CROSS THEIR SIDES. SO TOO, THEIR BACKS.

A POCKMARK OF A SILHOUETTE LEANING-

I SEE IT IS AGAINST THE TOO-SORE SKY;

WHAT SHADOWY GRIT DOES TROUBLE HER EYE

THAT SHORES ITS FOOT AGAINST THE SMALLEST DENT

AND HOLDS FAST TO OPPOSE HELL’S ERUPTION

HOWEVER GLORIOUS THAT IT MIGHT BE.

NARY THOUGHTS NOR HOLLOW BREATHS FOLD INWARDS,

EDUCATED MOUNTAINEERS LIE DORMANT.

THIS DREDGING, FOOL, IT CALLS TO FOUL SINNERS

AND THOSE, I FEEL, ARE THOSE MOST IMPORTANT.

AS YOUR ALARM’S DECAYING KNELLS ARREST

INSIDE THE SEPTIC TANK YOU CALL YOUR BREAST.

SECONDED

IS FUN BUT SHE’S COMPLAINING OF OVERSTIMULATION. WELL IT’S HER FAULT FOR GETTING IN THE TRUCK IN THE FIRST PLACE.

babyjudy:

You read that correctly.
I made clove infused vodka.
Gawff as fuck.

THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE. I SUPPOSE YOU DRANK IT WEARING A BERET AND SUSPENDERS WHILE LISTENING TO FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE AND THE IRON MONSTER.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN ISOPROPYL WAS THE KIDDIES’ DRINK OF CHOICE? WELL, THEY ALL DIED, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED. NOWADAYS IT’S ALL JUST WATERED DOWN BUSHWAH. 

ALSO GAWFF IS NOT A WORD AND IT NEVER WILL BE I HATE YOU TUMBLR GOODNIGHT

WHEREIN I COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING FOR EXACTLY 100 WORDS, NOT COUNTING THESE ONES. 

IT DISGUSTS ME HOW SMALL MEN HIDE THEIR TAILS AND HOOVES IN-SIDE OF THEIR TROUSERS. DO THEY KNOW THAT THROUGH GRIM AUGURY I HAVE DIVINED THE BESTIAL GAMES WHICH THEY PLAY AT? THOSE LACKING HEIGHT ARE ALL VILLAINS; IT IS SIMPLY THEIR NATURE. TO DENY THIS IS TO RENOUNCE ALL GODLINESS AND FOREVER WALK THE WINDSWEPT CORNERS OF THE EARTH A SHITSTREAKED VAGRANT HOWLING AT THE SKIES, SKIES PREGNANT WITH STORMCLOUDS AND LARGE CARNIVOROUS ALBATROSSES LOOSENING THEIR BOWELS SO AS TO RAIN DOWN THE BONES OF THE CONDEMNED AND SINFUL. 

IN REALITY I AM SIMPLY JEALOUS OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE; THEY CAN FIT INTO THE HOLE IN MY KITCHEN WALL THROUGH WHICH, EACH NIGHT, FERAL DOGS COME AND DEVOUR ALL OF THE MINCEMEATS TAKING RESIDENCE IN MY CUPBOARD. I WILL GET THEM YET ONCE I CONVINCE TIMOTHY THE NEIGHBOUR LAD TO GO IN AFTER THEM WITH A PITCHFORK AND SOME STRING. 

CHARACTER-WISE, YOU ARE AVERAGE AT BEST. HOWEVER, YOU ARE NOT OFTEN AT YOUR BEST- ARE YOU, BOY? LET’S SIT HERE AND CONTEMPLATE THAT FOR A MOMENT, SHALL WE? SIP YOUR DRINK, BOY. SIP YOUR DRINK AND REFLECT ON EVERY ONE OF YOUR MISDEEDS.

CAN’T REMEMBER, EH LAD? THANKFULLY YOUR OLD MAN DOES. LET ME REFRESH THE SIEVE IN YOUR HEAD THAT YOU CALL A MEMORY: YOU HURT YOUR MOTHER WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS. YOU TUGGED AT YOUR SISTER’S HAIR WHEN WE WERE IN LINE AT THE BANK (AND WE WOULD HAVE ONLY BEEN A MINUTE, BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE “BORED” AND SO YOUR POOR SISTER SUFFERED). YOU BROKE THE DOG’S LEG. HE WON’T GET ANOTHER CHANCE TO WALK, YOU KNOW. I HAD TO PUT HIM DOWN IN THE GARDEN MYSELF WITH A SHOVEL. OH, HE SCREAMED LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW DOGS COULD SCREAM. THEN I MADE LOVE TO YOUR MOTHER, AND SHE GOT A TERRIBLE VENEREAL SICKNESS THAT YOU CAN ONLY CATCH FROM HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH DOGS. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, BOY. I’M TAKING OFF OF MY BELT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. NO, NOT THAT. THE OTHER THING. 

Topic: Unprofessional Professionals

Frangry’s tie-dye jeggings.

Mics in mono. Check.

“I just joined instagram so that I can share my sexiness.”

frangry:

I joined Instagram. What’s the point of this other than the photo filters?

Friday’s Show: Unprofessional Professionals

Tell us your tales of weird, unpleasant, and creepy encounters with doctors, lawyers, and other “trusted” professionals (not just dentists this time). Oh, it starts off normal enough, but soon … well, you tell us.

Call (201-209-9368) and share your stories of dippy doctors and louche lawyers. Tune in this Friday, 6 to 7pm ET, at WFMU 91.1 (NYC area) or WFMU.org. (H/T Listener Matt in Minneapolis for the topic.)

Shut Up, Weirdo: The Man Can’t Bust Our Chit-Chat.

frangry:

The Moscow Mule (best drink ever) at The Standard.

OMG, Frangry, enough about Russia already.

Topic: Lucky Dip

This thing.

And especially for not ruining the show! 

Mom?

Special Guest Marc in the Car with Frangry during tonight’s Shut Up, Weirdo.

Special Guest Marc in the Car with Frangry during tonight’s Shut Up, Weirdo.

Topic: How Mom Wronged You

That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.

Friday’s Show: Mommy Dearest

With Mother’s Day coming up (May 13), we thought it only right to remember Mom with a very special Shut Up, Weirdo. Call us this week and tell us: What’s the worst thing your mother ever did to you?

It’ll be a Freudtastic trip down our collective birth canal and one show you’ll definitely want to fear … I mean hear. I definitely meant hear. Why would I say fear? Isn’t it torture when when you say one thing but mean a mother?—I mean another! Moving on …

Also this week: Special guest host MARC IN THE CAR joins us in the studio.

Call us (201-209-9368) to share your tales of Los Madres Egoistas. Tune in this Friday, 6 to 7pm ET, at WFMU 91.1 (NYC area) or WFMU.org.

Shut Up, Weirdo: The promise of joy. The magic of blather.

The month of May from our 2012 calendar It’s Funny Because We Don’t Play Music. Here are Andy & Frangry as The Clash from their London Calling cover. 

autostraddle:

Vegan coffee-flavored Rachel Maddow Soap via 10 Lesbosexy Valentine’s Day Gifts For Weirdos

theatlantic:

Does It Matter Where You Go to College?

Meet Ben. He’s a high school senior from a middle class family in Massachusettes who is choosing where to attend college next year. He’s down to two schools: prestigious Boston College, or the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, his state’s top public campus. Even with the generous financial aid package from BC, he would still graduate with a big mound of loans. UMass, meanwhile, would be more than $15,000 a year cheaper.

Which should Ben pick? Prestige or price?

With the cost of higher education climbing every year, and student debt surpassing $1 trillion, more and more young people will have to decide whether to make that trade-off. It begs the question: Does it really pay to go to an elite university, financially speaking?  Researchers have been investigating this issue since at least the 1980s. And their findings tend to show that when it comes to future earnings, where you go to college counts.

Read more.

mothernaturenetwork:

China students on intravenous drips for exams
The school maintains that the amino acid drips help students relax while studying for university entrance exams, and will continue the practice.

thedailyfeed:

Starving doctors are the new starving artists, as the rate of Ph. D. holders on welfare has more than doubled since 2007. 

The rate of Ph.D. holders receiving food stamps or other government aid has more than doubled since the recession started almost five years ago — from 0.4 percent in 2007 to just over 1 percent in 2010, according to data collected by the U.S. Census Bureau.

And those with a bachelor’s degree or higher getting public assistance jumped likewise, more than doubling between 2007 and 2010.

collegehumor:

Flowchart: Are You Actually Going to Study for Finals?

nevver:

1. Do not feel absolutely certain of anything.
2. Do not think it worth while to proceed by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.
3. Never try to discourage thinking for you are sure to succeed.
4. When you meet with opposition, even if it should be from your husband or your children, endeavor to overcome it by argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.
5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.
6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do the opinions will suppress you.
7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent than in passive agreement, for, if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.
9. Be scrupulously truthful, even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.
10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool’s paradise, for only a fool will think that it is happiness.

Brain Pickings

Can a computer score touchdowns? No. Case closed.

Higher ed is for suckers, claims inarticulate blowhard who repeats himself, spouting dull disprovable platitudes. “Live”?

Skillshare founder Mike Karnjanaprakorn opening the 2012 Penny Conference.

Also seeSir Ken Robinson on changing educational paradigms and lifelong learning.

(via explore-blog)

theatlantic:

The Paradox of College: The Rising Cost of Going (and Not Going!) to School

Have you heard about the dangerous, rising cost of not going to college? In the last 30 years, the typical college tuition has tripled. But over the exact same period, the earnings gap between college-educated adults and high school graduates has also tripled. In 1979, the wage difference was 75%. In 2003, it was 230%. 

Over the last three decades, the cost of going to college has increased at nearly the exact same rate as the cost not going to college. How can the price of getting something and not getting something both rise at the same time? 

That is the paradox of college costs.

Read more. [Image: Reuters]

Harvard’s Tony Wagner, author of Creating Innovators: The Making of Young People Who Will Change the World, ponders how we can educate the next Steve Jobs.

Wagner’s insights echo John Seely Brown’s in the excellent A New Culture of Learning: Cultivating the Imagination for a World of Constant Change, as well as Sir Ken Robinson’s vision for changing educational paradigms to better foster creativity.

(via explore-blog)

shortformblog:

Coursera joins a raft of ambitious online projects aimed at making higher education more accessible and affordable. Many of these ventures, however, simply post entire lectures on the web, with no interactive component. Others strive to create brand-new universities from scratch.

Founders Daphne Koller and Andrew Ng say Coursera will be different because professors from top schools will teach under their university’s name and will adapt their most popular courses for the web, embedding assignments and exams into video lectures, answering questions from students on online forums — even, perhaps, hosting office hours via videoconference.

This sounds like worth keeping an eye on. It seems like it could go a long way towards disrupting the traditional educational model. In case you were wondering which schools, here you go: Stanford, Princeton, the University of California at Berkeley, the University of Pennsylvania and the University of Michigan. Not a bad list.

explore-blog:

Page from the 1946 pamphlet The Races of Mankind, in which two Columbia University anthropologists present, in simple language and charming cartoons, a scientific case against racist beliefs.

theweekmagazine:

Most college-bound high school seniors will know by May 1 if they got accepted to the school of their choice, or at least made the waitlist. But here’s a hard reality check: For most students, being waitlisted is “not much better than a rejection,” admissions consultant Elizabeth Heaton tells The Wall Street Journal. Other experts call the waitlist just plain ”mean.” 

Just how bad are your chances of advancing past the waitlist? The numbers at elite universities are pretty grim: Yale took in 103 (out of 996), Carnegie Mellon accepted six (out of 5,003), Stanford took 13 (out of 1,078), and Cornell, zero (out of 2,998). Harvard, which won’t specify the size of its waitlist, admitted just 31. And it’s getting worse, says Caralee Adams at Education Week. More colleges are relying on waitlists — 48 percent in 2010, versus 34 percent in 2009 — and admitting a lower percentage of waitlisted students: 28 percent nationally in 2010, down from 34 percent in 2009. At more selective colleges, your odds are at about 11 percent.

So, what do you do if you’re placed in admissions limbo?

explore-blog:

“Education is a pubic good, and not simply a good for those who happen to get the private benefit of it at any given moment.”

Professor Stefan Collini, author of What Are Universities For?, on the role of higher education. Also see Clark Kerr’s 1963 classic, The Uses of the University.

cartoonpolitics:

Student loan debt, at $830 billion, now exceeds total US credit card debt, itself bloated to the bubble level of $827 billion.  More here..

theatlantic:

telenaichimaru:

Samples from the project, “Advice to Sink in Slowly,” which uses the artwork and advice of design graduates.  The posters are designed to inspire first-year college students and are available for purchase as a fundraising initiative on the website (http://advicetosinkinslowly.net/).

Definitely worth a peek.